Single Grain

Internet Addiction

Written By: Sujan Patel On May 1st, 2007 | 4 Comments

You know you’re addicted to the internet (digg especially) when you…

211 Ways to Be Annoying

Written By: Sujan Patel On April 27th, 2007 | 27 Comments

1. Continue to ask someone, “Is this annoying? Is this annoying?” over and over and over.
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub.”
4. Name your dog “Dog.”
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
6. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”
8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people’s backpacks.
14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climatic parts of rental movies.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.
21. Write “X - BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s road maps.
22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?”, “What?”, “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change your name to “John Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each “a.”
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
35. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.
36. Wear a lot of cologne.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”
38. Sing along at the opera.
39. Mow your lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!”
41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”
42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
47. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
51. Practice making fax and modem noises.
52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc.” them to your boss.
53. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophecy.”
54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
55. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.
59. Honk and wave to strangers.
60. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
61. type only in lowercase.
62. dont use any punctuation either
63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..
66. Tell people their accent isn’t fooling anyone.
67. Drum on every available surface.
68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
69. Set alarms for random times.
70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of “Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip..”
71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed’s stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
73. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter’s Orange.
74. Wear your pants backwards.
75. Begin all your sentences with “Ohh la la!”
76. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed’s “Metal Machine Music.”
77. Leave someone’s printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
78. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
80. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
82. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”
83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
84. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.
85. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.”
86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
87. Sing the “This is the song that never ends” song from Lampchop’s Play-Along.
88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
90. Drive half a block.
91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
93. “Forget” the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.”
94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes.”
95. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers’ brains, such as “Feliz Navidad,” the Archies’ “Sugar,” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
97. Ask to “interface” with someone.
98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as “sticky wicket isn’t cricket.”
99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.”
100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
101. Never make eye contact.
102. Never break eye contact.
103. Construct your own pretend “tricorder,” and “scan” people with it, pronouncing the results.
104. Give a play-by-play account of a person’s every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
105. Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
106. Say “okay, you’re gay” to anything someone says.
107. As people talk, smell their shoulders.
108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say “Wait, start over. I wasn’t paying attention.”
109. Say to people, “Did you wear deodorant today?”
110. Place your shoes on the table.
111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
112. When standing near a “high-class person,” ask them, “Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off.”
113. Switch your neighbor’s lawn furniture with someone else’s.
114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
116. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don’t like about each one.
117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent.
120. Wear odd shoes.
121. Learn “Ice Ice Baby” by heart and recite it endlessly.
122. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
123. Throw stones at people walking past your house.
124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
125. Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.
127. Phone McDonald’s and try to make a reservation for that evening.
128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.
129. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.
131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
132. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, “Have you got enough air in there?”
133. Walk into people’s houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
135. Loudly recite people’s most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.
136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
137. Try to fit the word “cornucopia” into every sentence you say.
138. Drive on the wrong side of the road.
139. Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend’s house who has a piano. Claim you’ve never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, “I guess I must kinda be a natural.”
140. Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.
142. Wear your cap backwards and say “Yo, wazzup?” a lot.
143. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton’s cousin.
145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
146. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.
147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
148. Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.
149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word “the.”
150. Wire up people’s cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.
151. Ride a unicycle to work.
152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren’t actually there.
153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you’re staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
154. Continuously mumble during a conversation.
155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else’s house.
156. When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
157. Insist on “Weird Al” sing-a-longs.
158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
160. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.
161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you’re doing. Reply, “I’ve been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You’re weird!” Leave the restaurant.
162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
163. Move people’s bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren’t looking.
164. Call the operator. When asked, “Can I help you?” reply, “No thanks, just browsing.”
165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger’s seat and claim, “He was here a minute ago, officer!”
166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.
167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven’t received enough chocolate sprinkles.
168. Push a raisin into someone’s cream-filled donut. (I don’t get this one.)
169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor’s lawn.
170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone’s anti-perspirant.
171. Add blank entries to lists, to make it look like it’s longer.
172. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald’s.
173. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
174. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
175. Tell people their fly is down when they’re wearing sweat pants.
176. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
177. At random times in a conversation, say “Hi,” “Hello Sir, how are you?” or “Have a good day, thank you.”
178. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone’s car.
179. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.
180. Dress like a “High-class rich person” and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent.
181. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it’s raining.
182. In an office, lock all the doors behind you.
183. Face the back when standing in an elevator.
184. Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.
185. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there’s a line.)
186. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.
187. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. “I’m Bob, nice to meet you…” “PROVE IT!”)
188. Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
189. Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout “I win!”.
190. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are “just reorganizing things.”
191. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!
192. Call every girl you know “dude”.
193. Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.
194. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is “Just better quality”
195. Press the “power” button on on someone’s computer or keyboard when they’re almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.
196. Call 911 and breathe heavily.
197. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back.
198. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else’s)
199. Vacuum your lawn. (See note on 200)
200. Recite shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.
201. Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
202. Order a pizza and ask them if they can “please put the crust on top this time” in an exasperated voice.
203. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask “Is that a threat?”
204. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.
205. Also, when riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, “Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?”
206. While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).
207. Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.
208. Go up to a someone and say, “Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?” And then walk away very quickly.
209. Finish each sentence with “Monkey See, Monkey Do”.
210. Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
211. Pretend you are invisible.

Have your own ways to be annoying? We’d love to hear them, submit a comment with your own ways to be annoying.

Google Vs. God

Written By: Sujan Patel On April 26th, 2007 | No Comments

Here is the actual location of this sign:

North Shore Assembly of God map - Tagzania

Hi I’m a Linux

Written By: Sujan Patel On April 25th, 2007 | 5 Comments

301 Useless Facts

Written By: Sujan Patel On April 24th, 2007 | 768 Comments

1. Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) was born on and died on days when Halley’s Comet can be seen. During his life he predicted that he would die when it could be seen.

2. US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen.

3. The “57″ on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of pickle types the company once had.

4. Americans are responsible for about 1/5 of the world’s garbage annually. On average, that’s 3 pounds a day per person.

5. Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels.

6. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks so that it doesn’t digest itself.

7. 98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the victim.

8. A B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building on July 28, 1945.

9. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

10. The dot over the letter “i” is called a tittle.

11. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

12. Benjamin Franklin was the fifth in a series of the youngest son of the youngest son.

13. Triskaidekaphobia means fear of the number 13. Paraskevidekatriaphobia means fear of Friday the 13th (which occurs one to three times a year). In Italy, 17 is considered an unlucky number. In Japan, 4 is considered an unlucky number.

14. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

15. All the chemicals in a human body combined are worth about 6.25 euro (if sold separately).

16. In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.

17. The ZIP in “ZIP code” means Zoning Improvement Plan.

18. Coca-Cola contained Coca (whose active ingredient is cocaine) from 1885 to 1903.

19. A “2 by 4″ is really 1 1/2 by 3 1/2.

20. It’s estimated that at any one time around 0.7% of the world’s population is drunk.

21. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades = David ; Clubs = Alexander the Great ; Hearts = Charlemagne ; Diamonds = Caesar

22. 40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

23. Every person, including identical twins, has a unique eye and tongue print along with their finger print.

24. The “spot” on the 7-Up logo comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.

25. 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 dictionary were misspelled.

26. The “save” icon in Microsoft Office programs shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards.

27. Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins (Elsa Löwenthal and Emma Wedgewood respectively).

28. Camel’s have three eyelids.

29. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day.

30. John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln’s son.

31. Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine are brother and sister.

32. Chocolate can kill dogs; it directly affects their heart and nervous system.

33. Daniel Boone hated coonskin caps.

34. Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.

35. 55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.

36. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

37. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark’s stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

38. Dr. Seuss pronounced his name “soyce”.

39. Slugs have four noses.

40. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

41. The Three Wise Monkeys have names: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil).

42. India has a Bill of Rights for cows.

43. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. (DON’T TRY IT, DUMBASS)

44. During the California gold rush of 1849, miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years, it was deemed more feasible to send their shirts to Hawaii for servicing.

45. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by taking out an olive from First Class salads.

46. About 200,000,000 M&Ms are sold each day in the United States.

47. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

48. Over a course of about eleven years, the sun’s magnetic poles switch places. This cycle is called “Solarmax”.

49. There are 318,979,564,000 possible combinations of the first four moves in Chess.

50. Upper and lower case letters are named “upper” and “lower” because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the lower case letters.

51. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

52. The numbers “172″ can be found on the back of the US 5 dollar bill, in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.

53. Coconuts kill about 150 people each year. That’s more than sharks.

54. Half of all bank robberies take place on a Friday.

55. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before it.

56. The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.

57. The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

58. The average raindrop falls at 7 miles per hour.

59. It took Leonardo Da Vinci 10 years to paint Mona Lisa. He never signed or dated the painting. Leonardo and Mona had identical bone structures according to the painting. X-ray images have shown that there are 3 other versions under the original.

60. If you put a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

61. Bruce Lee was so fast that they had to slow the film down so you could see his moves.

62. The largest amount of money you can have without having change for a dollar is $1.19 (3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies cannot be divided into a dollar).

63. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”.

64. IBM’s motto is “Think”. Apple later made their motto “Think different”.

65. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original “Halloween” was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white, due to low budget.

66. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

67. The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

68. One in fourteen women in America is a natural blonde. Only one in sixteen men is.

69. The Olympic was the sister ship of the Titanic, and she provided twenty-five years of service.

70. When the Titanic sank, 2228 people were on it. Only 706 survived.

71. In America, someone is diagnosed with AIDS every 10 minutes. In South Africa, someone dies due to HIV or AIDS every 10 minutes.

72. Every day, 7% of the US eats at McDonald’s.

73. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, which Motorola got their name from.

74. In the US, about 127 million adults are overweight or obese; worldwide, 750 million are overweight and 300 million more are obese. In the US, 15% of children in elementary school are overweight; 20% are worldwide.

75. In Disney’s Fantasia, the Sorcerer to whom Mickey played an apprentice was named Yensid (Disney spelled backward).

76. During his entire life, Vincent Van Gogh sold exactly one painting, “Red Vineyard at Arles”.

77. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

78. One in ten people live on an island.

79. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

80. 28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.

81. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

82. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

83. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said “Elementary, my dear Watson”, Humphrey Bogart NEVER said “Play it again, Sam” in Casablanca, and they NEVER said “Beam me up, Scotty” on Star Trek.

84. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

85. Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokes model.

86. The sound you here when you put a seashell next to your ear is not the ocean, but blood flowing through your head.

87. More people are afraid of open spaces (kenophobia) than of tight spaces (claustrophobia).

88. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

89. There is a 1 in 4 chance that New York will have a white Christmas.

90. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

91. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

92. Back in the mid to late ’80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn’t considered 100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft’s Flight Simulator.

93. $203,000,000 is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.

94. Every US president has worn glasses (just not always in public).

95. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

96. Jim Henson first coined the word “Muppet”. It is a combination of “marionette” and “puppet.”

97. The names of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with (not counting the words “North” and “South).

98. The Michelin man is known as Mr. Bib. His name was Bibendum in the company’s first ads in 1896.

99. About 20% of bird species have become extinct in the past 200 years, almost all of them because of human activity.

100. The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

101. About 14% of injecting drug users are HIV positive.

102. A word or sentence that is the same front and back (racecar, kayak) is called a “palindrome”.

103. A snail can sleep for 3 years.

104. People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide.

105. China has more English speakers than the United States.

106. Finnish folklore says that when Santa comes to Finland to deliver gifts, he leaves his sleigh behind and rides on a goat named Ukko instead. According to French tradition, Santa Claus has a brother named Bells Nichols, who visits homes on New Year’s Eve after everyone is asleep, and if a plate is set out for him, he fills it with cookies and cakes.

107. One in every 9000 people is an albino.

108. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

109. You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.

110. Everyday, more money is printed for Monopoly sets than for the U.S. Treasury.

111. Every year 4 people in the UK die putting their trousers on.

112. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds; dogs only have about ten.

113. Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.

114. In every episode of “Seinfeld” there is a Superman picture or reference somewhere.

115. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human’s neck.

116. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

117. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

118. Each year in America there are about 300,000 deaths that can be attributed to obesity.

119. About 55% of all movies are rated R.

120. About 500 movies are made in the US and 800 in India annually.

121. Arabic numerals are not really Arabic; they were created in India.

122. Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations (implemented on July 16, 1969) makes it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles.

123. The February of 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

124. The Pentagon in Arlington Virginia has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

125. There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat, though it may feel uncomfortable.

126. The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

127. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

128. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

129. There are about 2 chickens for every human in the world.

130. The word “maverick” came into use after Samuel Maverick, a Texan refused to brand his cattle. Eventually any unbranded calf became known as a Maverick.

131. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

132. For every memorial statue with a person on a horse, if the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died of battle wounds; if all four of the horse’s legs are on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

133. On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the American flag is flying over the Parliament Building.

134. An American urologist bought Napoleon’s penis for $40,000.

135. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

136. Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters “MT”.

137. $283,200 is the absolute highest amount of money you can win on Jeopardy.

138. Almonds are members of the peach family.

139. Rats and horses can’t vomit.

140. The penguin is the only bird that can’t fly but can swim.

141. There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.

142. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance.

143. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

144. There are only four words in the English language that end in “-dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

145. Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

146. Every time you lick a stamp you consume 1/10 of a calorie.

147. “101 Dalmatians” and “Peter Pan” are the only Disney animations in which both of a character’s parents are present and don’t die during the movie.

148. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

149. Hedenophobic means fear of pleasure.

150. Ancient Egyptian priests would pluck every hair from their bodies.

151. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

152. Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18. 80% of burglaries are committed by people aged 13-21.

153. An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

154. All polar bears are left-handed.

155. The catfish has over 27000 taste buds (more than any other animal)

156. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

157. Butterflies taste with their feet.

158. Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump.

159. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

160. Starfish have no brains.

161. 11% of the world is left-handed.

162. John Hancock and Charles Thomson were the only people to sign the Declaration of independence on July 4th, 1776. The last signature came five years later.

163. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

164. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

165. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.

166. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

167. A healthy (non-colorblind) human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray.

168. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

169. Lizards can self-amputate their tails for protection. It grows back after a few months.

170. Los Angeles’ full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”. It can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

171. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

172. A honeybee can fly at fifteen miles per hour.

173. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

174. A “jiffy” is the scientific name for 1/100th of a second.

175. The average child recognizes over 200 company logos by the time he enters first grade.

176. The youngest pope ever was 11 years old.

177. The first novel ever written on a typewriter is Tom Sawyer.

178. One out of every 43 prisoners escapes from jail. 94% are recaptured.

179. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

180. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs melted into it.

Amazon.com Widgets181. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.

182. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

183. Elwood Edwards did the voice for the AOL sound files (i.e. “You’ve got Mail!”). He is heard about 27 million times a day. The recordings were done before Quantum changed its name to AOL and the program was known as “Q-Link.”

184. A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is actually clear, but like snow it appears white.

185. Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis middle name was spelled Aron, in honor of his brother.

186. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

187. Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes.

188. Shakespeare invented the words “assassination” and “bump.”

189. There are a million ants for every person on Earth.

190. If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.

191. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

192. The name Jeep comes from “GP”, the army abbreviation for General Purpose.

193. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.

194. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

195. Cats’ urine glows under a black light.

196. A “quidnunc” is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.

197. The first US Patent was for manufacturing potassium carbonate (used in glass and gunpowder). It was issued to Samuel Hopkins on July 31, 1970.

198. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors, the helicopter, and many other present day items.

199. In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.

200. 25% of a human’s bones are in its feet.

201. David Sarnoff received the Titanic’s distress signal and saved hundreds of passengers. He later became the head of the first radio network, the National Broadcasting Company (NBC).

202. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

203. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than every Nike factory worker in Malaysia combined.

204. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the ’30s lobbied against hemp farmers (they saw it as competition).

205. “Canada” is an Indian word meaning “Big Village”.

206. Only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older.

207. If you yelled for 8 years 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

208. Rape is reported every six minutes in the U.S.

209. The human heart creates enough pressure in the bloodstream to squirt blood 30 feet.

210. A jellyfish is 95% water.

211. Truck driving is the most dangerous occupation by accidental deaths (799 in 2001).

212. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

213. Elephants only sleep for two hours each day.

214. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

215. The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue. (the heart is not a muscle)

216. In golf, a ‘Bo Derek’ is a score of 10.

217. In the U.S, Frisbees outsell footballs, baseballs and basketballs combined.

218. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

219. If you plant an apple seed, it is almost guaranteed to grow a tree of a different type of apple.

220. Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

221. The only real person to be a PEZ head was Betsy Ross.

222. There are about 450 types of cheese in the world. 240 come from France.

223. When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers plays football at home the stadium becomes Nebraska’s third largest city.

224. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life”.

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225. A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

226. In Iceland, a Big Mac costs $5.50.

227. Broccoli and cauliflower are the only vegetables that are flowers.

228. Newborn babies have about 350 bones. They gradually merge and disappear until there are about 206 by age 5.

229. There is no solid proof of who built the Taj Mahal.

230. In a survey of 200000 ostriches over 80 years, not one tried to bury its head in the sand.

231. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A quarter has 119.

232. On an American one-dollar bill there is a tiny owl in the upper-left-hand corner of the upper-right-hand “1″ and a spider hidden in the front upper-right-hand corner.

233. Judy Scheindlin (”Judge Judy”) has a $25,000,000 salary, while Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has a $190,100 salary.

234. The name for Oz in the Wizard of Oz was thought up when the creator Frank Baum looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N and O-Z.

235. Andorra, a tiny country on the border between France and Spain, has the longest average lifespan: 83.49 years.

236. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

237. Mr. Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister.

238. In America you will see an average of 500 advertisements a day.

239. John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

240. You can lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

241. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

242. “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in English.

243. There are 336 dimples on a regulation US golf ball. In the UK its 330.

244. The Toltecs (a 7th century tribe) used wooden swords so they wouldn’t kill their enemies.

245. “Duff” is the decaying organic matter found on a forest floor.

246. The US has more personal computers than the next 7 countries combined.

247. There have been over 600 lawsuits against Alexander Grahm Bell over rights to the patent of the telephone, the most valuable patent in U.S. history.

248. Kuwait is about 60% male (highest in the world). Latvia is about 54% female (highest in the world).

249. The Hawaiian alphabet has only 12 letters.

250. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world’s nuclear weapons combined.

251. At the height of its power in 400 BC, the Greek city of Sparta had 25,000 citizens and 500,000 slaves.

252. Julius Caesar’s autograph is worth about $2,000,000.

253. The tool doctors wrap around a patient’s arm to measure blood pressure is called a sphygmomanometer.

254. People say “bless you” when you sneeze because your heart stops for a millisecond.

255. US gold coins used to say “In Gold We Trust”.

256. In “Silence of the Lambs”, Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.

257. A shrimp’s heart is in its head.

258. In the 17th century, the value of pi was known to 35 decimal places. Today, to 1.2411 trillion.

259. The bestselling books of all time are The Bible (6billion+), Quotations from the Works of Mao Tse-tung (900million+), and The Lord of the Rings (100million+)

260. Pearls melt in vinegar.

261. “Lassie” was played by a group of male dogs; the main one was named Pal.

262. In 1863, Paul Hubert of Bordeaux, France, was sentenced to life in jail for murder. After 21 years, it was discovered that he was convicted of murdering himself.

263. Nepal is the only country that doesn’t have a rectangular flag. Switzerland is the only country with a square flag.

264. Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer are the only angels named in the Bible.

265. Tiger Woods’ real first name is Eldrick. His father gave him the nickname “Tiger” in honor of a South Vietnamese soldier his father had fought alongside with during the Vietnam War.

266. Johnny Appleseed planted apples so that people could use apple cider to make alcohol.

267. Abraham Lincoln’s ghost is said to haunt the White House.

268. God is not mentioned once in the book of Esther.

269. The odds of being born male are about 51.2%, according to census.

270. Scotland has more redheads than any other part of the world.

271. There is an average of 61,000 people airborne over the US at any given moment.

272. Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane in case there is a crash.

273. The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad. The most common name (of any type) in the world is Mohammed.

274. The surface of the Earth is about 60% water and 10% ice.

275. For every 230 cars that are made, 1 will be stolen.

276. Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital.

277. Lightning strikes the earth about 8 million times a day.

278. Around 2,000 left-handed people die annually due to improper use of equipment designed only for right handed people.

279. The “if” and “then” parts of conditional (”if P then Q”) statement are called the protasis (P) and apodosis (Q).

280. Humans use a total of 72 different muscles in speech.

281. If you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer, its stomach will explode.

282. Only female mosquitoes bite.

283. The U.S. Post Office handles 43 percent of the world’s mail.

284. Most household dust is made of dead skin cells.

285. One in about eight million people has progeria, a disease that causes people to grow faster than they age.

286. The male seahorse carries the eggs until they hatch instead of the female.

287. The “countdown” (counting down from 10 for an event such as New-Years Day) was first used in a 1929 German silent film called “Die Frau Im Monde” (The Girl in the Moon).

288. Negative emotions such as anxiety and depression can weaken your immune system.

289. There are seven suicides in the Bible: Abimelech. Samson, Saul, Saul’s armor-bearer, Ahithophel, Zimri, Judas.

290. A mongoose is not a goose but more like a meercat, which is not a cat but more like a prairie dog, which is not a dog but more like a ground squirrel.

291. Stephen Hawking was born exactly 300 years after Galileo died.

292. Mercury is the only planet whose orbit is coplanar with its equator. Venus and Uranus are the only planets that rotate opposite to the direction of their orbit.

293. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe died on July 4th. Adams and Jefferson died in the same year. Supposedly, Adams last words were “Thomas Jefferson survives.”

294. The Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland’s baby daughter, Ruth, not Babe Ruth the baseball player.

295. Dolphins can look in different directions with each eye. They can sleep with one eye open.

296. The Falkland Isles (pop. about 2000) has over 700000 sheep (350 per person).

297. There are 41,806 different spoken languages in the world today.

298. While many treaties have been signed at or near Paris, France (including many after WWI and WWII), nine are actually known as the “Treaty of Paris”: Seven Years’ War (1763), American Revolutionary War (1783), French-Swede War (1810), France vs Sixth Coalition (1814), Battle of Waterloo (1815), Crimean War (1856), Spanish-American War (1898), union of Bessarabia and Romania (1920), establishment of European Coal and Steel Community (1951).

299. Robert Todd Lincoln (Abraham Lincoln’s oldest son) was in Washington DC during his father’s assassination as well as during President Garfield’s assassination, and he was in Buffalo NY when President McKinley was assassinated.

300. The city of Venice stands on about 120 small islands.

301. The past-tense of the English word “dare” is “durst”.

Now that you have gone through the list it is up to you to figure out which facts are true and which facts are false.

More Useless Facts

30 Things I learned From TV

Written By: Sujan Patel On April 19th, 2007 | 1 Comment

1. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

2. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home,

3. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. That will finish in a sex scene.

5. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphaous underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.

6. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

7. If someone says, “I’ll be right back”, they won’t.

8. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: “Enter Password Now”.

9. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit. In addition, every front door can be opened from the outside without having to use a key.

10. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

11. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

13. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head.

14. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

15. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

16. Any bullet from a handgun has enough force to throw a full-grown man ten feet back.

17. Characters will always find a parking space right in front of the building they’re going to even in a large metropolitan city where parking is basically impossible.

18. Characters at a bar or at a restaurant table will always get the attention of a server at the exact moment they need to order.

19. When a gift/present is given, the top is wrapped separately from the rest of the box and it lifts straight off so that there is never any ripping or fumbling with wrapping paper.

20. A chase scene on foot in a city always has a shot of one of the characters running into the street, nearly being hit by a car screeching to a halt at which point the driver flails his arm out the window and yells an expletive.

21. Anytime a character in an awful rush confronts another character curious about his predicament, the first one says, “There’s no time to explain,” and then explains anyway.

22. No matter how slow zombies walk they will always catch up.

23. The bad guy will always throw his gun at you to indicate he has run out of bullets.

24. A candle or table lamp can light a whole room and at night time, it’s blue.

25. If the main guy is in love with the main girl, he will always get her in the end, even if she’s married. If she is married, her husband will always say “oh well, if it makes you happy”… and he’ll never go to beat the crap out of the other guy.

26. If you are in a film, it is easy for you to master the skill of controling any vehicle you need, weather it be landing a plane, for example.

27. Everybody when needing a computer can type supper fast and never need to hit the space bar!

28. Computers never freeze or crash, unlike in the real world.

29. The computers have super duper graphics programes which can zoom into blurs in fotos to make them super clear!

30. The best way to get laid is to put on some slow jazz music.

Full List of Things I Learned From TV

Top 59 Useless Facts

Written By: Sujan Patel On April 18th, 2007 | 133 Comments

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.
5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
7. 2/3 of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
8. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”
9. On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building
10. is an American flag.
11. All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” are stuck on 4:20.
12. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
13. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.”
14. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5.00 bill.
15. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
16. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.
17. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
18. There are only 4 words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
20. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
23. Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
24. The characters Bert & Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.
27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
28. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON’T try this at work!)
29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister. (Presbyterian)
33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
35. The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
36. A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
37. A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.
38. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.
39. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
40. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
41. Shakespeare invented the words “assassination” and “bump.”
42. Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes on one foot.
43. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white..
44. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
45. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
46. The sentence “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every
47. letter in the English language.
48. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.
49. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
50. The words racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
51. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
52. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
53. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Does that one really surprise any of us?)
54. Vatican City is the smallest country in the world with a population of 1000
55. & a size of 108.7 acres.
56. “I am.” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
57. No president of the United states was an only child.
58. And last and definitely most important:
59. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs in it.

**Fixed formating so Digg title is inaccurate

32 Things That Don’t Quite Make Sense

Written By: Sujan Patel On April 16th, 2007 | 1 Comment

1. Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?
2. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
3. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
4. Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?
5. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
6. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
7. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
8. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
9. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
10. Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
11. What is the speed of darkness?
12. If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
13. If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
14. Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
15. How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
16. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
17. Did you ever stop and wonder……
18. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
19. Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum.”
20. Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
21. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
22. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
23. Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway ?
24. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs !
25. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream ??
26. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me !!!!)
27. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from ?
28. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
29. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
30. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
31. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
32. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Mac Mini Cake

Written By: Sujan Patel On April 11th, 2007 | 3 Comments

Prison vs. Work

Written By: Sujan Patel On April 9th, 2007 | 172 Comments

IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: You get three meals a day.
AT WORK: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: You get your own toilet.
AT WORK: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: You aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK: you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON: You must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: They are called managers.